It's Wild Here

God's home movies

This morning, I asked Ryan to clean up the scrambled eggs that fell on his chair.  Evan suggested that he do so by licking it like a dog.  ("It's more fun that way!") This led to a discussion of whether fart molecules can penetrate wood.

Sometimes, I think God must pop in an old tape of 13-year-old Amy, daydreaming about her future adult life which probably varied, but never ever (ever) involved 4 boys and a toilet-humor-loving spouse.  And then God laughs and laughs, like he's watching Frasier.

It was a 3-cake day...

Saturday began with a birthday party for R to attend at the local dairy. He had a good time, and only made it twice to the cake before I could get there and prevent his grabbing a piece off.  He was patient. Cake is the reason God made birthdays, you know.

Next we drove to Cincinnati for big picture time at the park. A friend of K came to do some professional photos for a song, because he's still learning. The kids were all marvelously cooperative, with just a few brief lapses. It was over quickly and we went to my brother's for food (delicious, D!) and another cake. At one point D put on Laurie Berkner and the 5 cousins in their matching white tees were dancing around madly, with the two babies looking on. It was a scene. 

Finally, we drove home to YS and visited with DOS and Grandpa, and the Sheridans. It was a very nice visit with more fabulous food and many children.  Here is E with her 6th (and she's only 30!). It was a pleasure to visit with someone who made no incredulous comments about our 4-kid family; who was, indeed, totally unimpressed.  ;-)

Ryan made a friend with #5 - they walked around like this for most of the evening.

 

And I almost forgot... we ate cake!

Mom was here yesterday. We just hung out, tidying the house and keeping the dogs and babies safe from each other. R was in rare form, quite hyped up and a bit on the aggressive side. Mom took him in for a bath and they talked and played in there for a long time. K had his first sink bath as well - pictures to come, as soon as Mom emails them to me.

J and J had busy days with their friends D and D - they played paintball AND laser tag, ate pizza and just generally had a dream day. When they returned, J took Mom over to see his art on display at the library.

R was up, wide awake, at about 2-3am. I'm not sure what to do with him - he doesn't seem to need a nap most days, unless I'd be willing to give it to him at around 3-4pm, which would result in a bedtime of nearly 11, probably. But when he doesn't nap, and goes to bed by 7:30-8, he wakes up in the night more, with night terrors or hunger or general wakefulness. I know it's killing E, and since R sometimes insists on seeing me too, I get the double-baby wakeup routine, which wears me out. Being 35 and sleep-deprived is not the same as 25 was.

In other depressing news, it's still cold as hell, and it doesn't look like it's going to get better soon. Snow flurries forecast for the weekend. Mark my word, when this finally ends, we're going to go directly to 80-degree weather, and I will move to North Carolina whine.

many things

1. Some Ryan talk first - anyone care to guess?

"poovie"

"chushie"

2. Our new friend Jane is offering us a family yoga opportunity with one other family. The other family has one toddler son who is a friend to R.  I really hope this works out and that the big boys can also enjoy it. I know she teaches a very relaxing and spiritual style class.

3. Ja started work at a nearby intergenerational garden, which is also a CSA in which anyone can buy shares of local, organic (I'm assuming) produce.  As they are quick to remind all the middle school gardeners, this is a Real Job, to which they are expected to arrive on time and commit to the end of summer.  He has gone to his first work day and seemed to enjoy it. Hard work, but satisfying, he says. I was particularly impressed because he was feeling pretty bad that day with sinus pain and congestion, but got himself up and went anyway. Each kid is assigned two beds, and there will be some ongoing training in engaging with the elders as well. The garden is literally just around the corner from our house.

4. Gold Cup soccer has started for Ja, and Silver Cup begins this Saturday for Je. I hope his coach calls to tell us when the first game is! I'm not sure whether R will  play copper cup. I think he's technically too young, so we'll have to see what they say.

5. Je has a new snare drum, a book and CD curriculum, and no drumsticks! We have to get those today so we can begin. He's also hoping to run with the track team this year, although the coach hasn't returned my call. I'm not sure if it's still too early for track or if he is possibly gone on spring break?  We;re also considering some sculpture lessons for Je - our friend Jade has her art degree in sculpture and hopes to teach in the future, so this would be a good match for both of them.

6. R is really stretching himself these days.  Leaving behind the diapers is a happy transition but still definitely not mastered. The first week was a bit more successful than the last two. He's also been having some scary dreams and fears at night about spiders in the bed. Poor  sweetie. Yesterday, we attended a library program in a couple towns over - I'd heard they have a very active, musical program. They did, indeed. It was crowded but fun.

R really loves the organized group activities like that. I've considered Kindermusik for that reason, but it's very expensive and this library program is pretty similar, at least for this young age.

I still struggle with being out with R when there are other small children around. He tends to want to love on them a little TOO closely, in their face, and occasionally in the form of tackling them. It gets old, protecting other kids, the disapproval of certain other parents, apologizing. And apologizing. Every time I show up at a playgroup and leave feeling bummed, I say we are not going back for a few months, but then we really want to get out and DO things... I've always felt that we should stick with the younger age group activities because he IS so active and a bit immature for his age, but then I had another thought - maybe it is the older kids (4+) we should be getting to know. They're all a lot less likely to be hurt by him - he's less likely to get in their face (he tends to go for the delicate one-year-olds) - and maybe he'd follow their lead a bit.

Napping seems to be over. I'm sure he'll still have a nap here and there, but he seems to be able to get through the day without one, and we're having very early bedtimes. This week we started "quiet time," during which he hangs in the bed with books. He's doing surprisingly well. He's stayed in there about 20 minutes, and I'm hoping to gradually increase it over the next few months so that we're getting an hour if possible. He has been enjoying books a lot these days. Also singing... the alphabet song is on Repeat in that child's mind, with a sprinkling of Row Row Row Your Boat and Twinkle Twinkle.

Throughout the day, out of nowhere, R will often stop what he's doing, turn to the parent or brother nearest him and say "I really yike you."  If we respond with definite understanding, that will do. If we simply "mm-hmm" or smile, he will have to repeat:  "I really, really yike you."  It's pretty adorable.

7.  Small-child K. What can I say? He's busted out - in the past 2 weeks he's gone from immobile, toothless infant to crawling, standing, cruising, babbling, toothy, toy-playing pre-toddler.  I don't think I've ever seen such a sudden developmental leap in a baby. Go baby!

Above, he appreciates the grass at ML playground with his Grammy. He prefers mulch, though. Less ticklish, and apparently also tastier.

Snow, etc

We have so much snow! The roads are dreadful, as the rain and sleet followed the inches of snow. Fortunately, Evan came home from work early and has been clicking away on his laptop at the dining room table. Jeremiah and Ryan are climbing the 'monkey house,' and Jamie is hanging out with Kira... a very typical afternoon here.

I placed an ad in the local newspaper seeking a very part-time childcare helper to come in the mornings, and occasional afternoons or outings, and amuse Ryan while I get some work done on the house or with the boys. I actually didn't expect to get any/many calls, but have had 4!  I overlooked an important aspect of this process... I will have to say no to the people we don't choose. What was I thinking? That's very hard! They have all been very nice and qualified women - each in a very different way. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Jamie is itching for a drawing tablet to use with his graphic art software. I have no idea where to start, choosing something that will work for him without breaking the bank. His art teacher is going to try doing some research and making some recommendations.

When the snow stops and the schools open, I am going to call the band director and get Jeremiah set up with a loaned snare drum and make use of the school's band curricula for percussion players.  If he likes it, he can join the band at the school next year.

Speaking of band. A friend of the boys was over after school last week and brought his trumpet. He played a bit for Ryan, who cannot get over it. Every day, "I want a trumpet now, ok?"  "Where is my trumpet." "I'm going to play a trumpet! Let's go get it!" 

Kellen is in one of those developmental stages when he can't even stop practicing his skillz in his sleep. Middle of the night, he wakes to nurse, but no, first he has to get up on his hands and knees and rock back and forth. Can I crawl yet? no? dang! OK, how bout that milk, then?

GOYB Parenting

Ever heard of this parenting method? hee.

updates

A Lion in the House  is a documentary created by two lovely local people. I can't tell you how it is because I can' t bring myself to watch it, but as soon as I'm past the late-preg, early-newborn stage, I plan to see it.  I love the village where I live and it's always exciting to see my neighbors achieving cool things like front-page PBS.org status. wow. 

Speaking of PBS, Jamie is up early on this dreary rainy day, sitting in Evan's chair watching this episode of Nova, Newton's Dark Secrets.  It's a pleasure and relief to see that, even in the face of a rigorous and structured academic curriculum, he has retained his natural curiousity about other thinky things.  Other things going on with Jamie:  reading The Secret Garden, watching World Cup Soccer, drawing drawing drawing, in PhotoShop and on paper, hanging out with friends Kira and David, pitching in on housework more and more with very little complaint. What. a. guy.

Jeremiah's occupied by lots of trampoline jumping and Ryan-duty. He's patient and indulgent with Ryan and his very unfair toddler rules. Jeremiah is blasting through the Dragonball graphic novel series faster than our library system can possibly keep up.  He has a couple of standing weekly playdates - Nathan and Daniel/David - and usually sees friends at least 2-3 more times each week. Soccer camp begins next week for both big boys.

There's no shortage of Ryan content on this blog, but a few new obsessions:
the hose (to do list for today: babyproofing gadget for a faucet)
the doorbell (known is the "beep")
3 and 4 word sentences (woot!)
Raffi, on the toddler tape player with headphones
lip-synching to They Might Be Giants, which is acceptable enough to the brothers that it need not be limited to headphones.
helping with household chores - he is a very good clean diaper stacker

Evan:  World Cup watching, in very sane moderation (thank you!), almost daily evening walking with the family, regularly accepting 3-boy duty while I take time for myself, sometimes for shopping and errands, sometimes for leisure. 

Talk Less, Ask More

For me, this one just doesn't come easily. More from Unconditional Parenting:

Dictating to kids (even in a nice way) is far less productive than eliciting ideas and objections and feelings from them. If talking to our children about what they've done wrong fails to bring about the results we were hoping for, it isn't because some stronger form of discipline is required. It may be because we did most of the talking.

(Ouch! When did he visit our house?)

Maybe we were so busy trying to get them to see our point of view that we didn't really hear theirs.

As a rule, our first priority is to figure out the source of the problem, to recognize what children need. For example, two- and three- year-olds often act out because they're undergoing a bumpy transition from babyhood to into personhood. They're wrestling with the attractions of freedom and independence, the power of being able to do new things, while simultaneously trying to cope with unwelcome limitations on the exercise of their will. They want more autonomy than they're given - and sometimes more than they can handle. They're also scared about standing apart from (and in opposition to) their parents. The last thing they need during such a tumult is a parent who is focused just on setting limits and keeping control.

On the other hand, not all types of asking are equally productive. Rhetorical questions, which aren't really intended to elicit a thoughtful response, are pointless at best: "Why can't you look at people when they're talking to you?" Even worse are questions where there is one right answer, and the point is not for the child to reflect but merely to guess what response you're looking for: "What do you think you could say to your sister since you just bumped into her?"

After offering a short list of similar "questions that get us nowhere fast," author Barbara Coloroso suggests that, before asking something, you might "question why you are asking it." Laying bare our motives can offer guidance about whether it is worth asking. Hint: It's when we're not entirely sure what the child will say, and when we're open to more than one response, that a question is most likely to be beneficial.

Be Authentic

Some people are accused of trying to be a friend to their children rather than a parent. I agree that this confusion can be unseemly and unhelpful. But while we have to be more than pals, we musn't stop being people with them. We shouldn't hide behind the role of Father or Mother, to the point that our humanity (or our human connection with them) disappears.

Real people have needs of their own, things they enjoy doing, things they hate. Kids should know that. Real people sometimes become flustered or distracted or tired. They're not always sure what to do. Sometimes they say things without thinking and later regret them. We shouldn't pretend to be more competent than we are. And when we screw up, we should admit it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is a small bit of Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn.  I don't re-read many books, but this one warrants it.  I enjoyed this passage because it articulates something that has always felt right to me but that I couldn't say so clearly. He goes on after this to talk about the importance of apologizing to children when we mess up, and that sometimes we resist showing our failures or uncertainties for fear of losing control of the parent-child relationship.  He finishes the section with: "In fact, the more real we are with them, the more likely it is that they'll feel real respect for us." 

catching up

So, this is June. Jeremiah was born in June, and this belly baby could arrive in June. As in, this month. More likely, July, but still... soon. The kids are excited. They see baby Audrey and get even more excited. Jamie has a lot to say about Audrey; he loves her toothless smile. Ryan can't wait for the baby to come out and drink from my "milks," with which he is newly obsessed with seeing and talking about but otherwise not interested in other than to talk about their job in feeding the baby.

I started to write that I feel ready, but that's only partially true. I am nesting like a maniac (I am telling you, I've never had a nesting urge this strong - you should see me with the label maker.)  We're ready with a name, short of something dramatic happening. For the most part, we're not telling. I guess it just feels too private right now, I don't know.  Save some kind of surprise for the birth day, right? While he's still inside, he's just Baby Him, Peanut, formerly known as Speck.

So, house, bedrooms, name, clothing and diapers, all set. Big boys and Evan are feeling ready. Ryan and I, maybe not feeling so ready. Ryan, because he's clueless, demanding, and still a baby.  I, because I'm still enjoying pregnancy, for the most part, and I can't say to myself (as I did last time) "Well, we can always do it again." This is it, so it's a bittersweet goodbye. 

Ryan is adding pronouns and articles to his speech. He's still not very clear, needing a family member to interpret a lot, sometimes only understandable by me. Still, I think 75% of what he says is clear enough for anyone to understand. These days he spends a lot of time out in the sand box and at the water table, with occasional runs out to the strawberry bed for a snack. He is thrilled to be allowed to go back there and eat strawberries.  He has this funny gallop-jump-run that he does when he's gleefully on his way.  He's also requesting a few trampoline turns each day, and is quite competent at staying vertical while bouncing around in a circle.  Of course, there would be no chance for him if it weren't for the net enclosure, which most definitely saves his neck every couple of minutes. His brothers kindly oblige and lift him on and off, staying there with him to supervise.

The dogs are visiting. Davy and Bucky are here and the kids find that fun. To me, it's a simple way to pay back a very generous favor from Mom (taking in our beloved but so-dang-loud Davy). Ryan is in charge of letting them in and out of the crate and out the back door. It's a job he takes very seriously. He is also in charge of telling them SHHHHH when they require that.

Jeremiah went to the homeschool science class yesterday at the Beavercreek Narrows Reserve. After about 90 minutes he had a scare with accidentally touching a poisonous plant. I think he was just anxious enough to start with that the plant incident sent him over the edge, and I received a tearful please-pick-me-up call.

Jamie continues to draw and read often, and will take any chance to play soccer in the yard with

Evan, his brother or a friend.  He's also enjoying words more all the time, and has taken our biggest fattest dictionary to his room. The National Spelling Bee is on TV tonight, so we will be sure to see that!

OK... posting these updates and then some more about last weekend and all its parade-carnival-family busy-ness.

their
Thieu
Thor
Thur
thee
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surprise
sup rise
sup-rise
spires
sunrise
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home school
home-school
homeschooling
homesick
Herschel
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Beaver creek
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Beverage
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business
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